Our last WINC meeting on Wednesday April 22nd was incredibly insightful! Steve Blakley of Parenting with Leadership gave us some excellent parenting tips & advice! His five practical strategies for getting your house in order will not only free up your time and build a happy family, they will allow you to work on your business!
You can see a recap of the night below:
Parenting with Leadership
In 2011, Steve stepped away from his corporate job and now dedicates his life to helping parents find peace, freedom and joy in their parenting.
Steve and his wife have a special needs son who has a rare syndrome accompanied with autistic behaviors, mobility issues and limited speech. Previously, their son was often defiant and strong-willed. He would lash out physically and throw tantrums. They tried to correct his behavior for 7 years, using local professionals and every popular parenting author they could find, without success. They were at the END of their rope! They felt desperate, helpless and thought nothing would ever change. Then everything did change, and for the better.
Even in spite of Steve’s son’s special needs, Steve and his wife were able to experience a dramatic improvement in his behavior using John Rosemond’s Love and Leadership parenting.
I strongly believe that 80% of all parenting problems (and child behaviors) can be solved when parents adopt a leadership parenting philosophy. I have seen it work time and time again, both in our family and in the lives of my clients and friends. ~ Steve Blakley
5 Practical Strategies to get your House in Order
1. Leadership Speech
2. Effectively Delegate up to 80% of Chores to Kids
3. Changing Your Approach from a Child Centred Family to a Parent Centred Family
4. You Actions Must Match Your Words
5. Change Your Thinking from Short Term Thinking to Long Term Thinking
1. Leadership Speech
1. Tell, don’t ask. Asking makes the answer optional. Tell them.
2. Remove the word OK when you telling. It can make your command sound like a question and makes you sound unsure.
3. Only tell them once. This one takes some practice, you’ll have to restrain yourself to not follow up. Eventually your kids will learn to listen to you when you speak.
4. Do not bribe, threat or yell. This might seem like motivation, but it’s not.
5. Use fewer words when giving direction. Be clear and be direct.
6. Don’t expect an instant reaction. There is always a delay.
Do you struggle with the temptation to micromanage your child? Being a micromanaging parent can have a negative effect on your kids. They disobey you, they will resent you, their confidence will suffer. Replace micromanagement with delegation. You should and can delegate up to 80% of the household chores to your kids. The benefit is they are practicing responsibility, time management and quality assurance. Not only that, it makes them feel self confident and builds good work ethic. They have an investment in the family. By 5 years of age, a child is capable of doing 80% of the household chores.
3. Become a Parent Centred Family
Is parenting an all consuming role of your time and energy? There is this belief that you have to be “involved” as a parent, this can sometimes result in you revolving around your children. This belief says you have to be there for everything – sports, events, chauffeur, etc. This is not the case… you should not serve your kids. Shift the balance by becoming a parent centred family. In a parent centred family the parent is the leader; the family revolves around the parents wants (not the children’s), and there is a healthy balance of time for you (your faith, your spouse, your business, and your children). For example, in a child centered family, extracurricular activities for the children supersede the children’s household responsibilities such as daily chores. In a parent centered family, household responsibilities such as daily chores for the children supersede the children’s extracurricular activities.
4. Actions Match Your Words
Your actions must match your words; if they don’t your children will not be able to trust you, which causes them to feel insecure, since they cannot communicate their insecurity they will be disobedient and will act out. In order to be credible to the people they lead, good leaders strive to be consistent with their actions matching words.
5. Long Term Focus
Remember, your grade as a parent does not relate to how your child feels. Replace this with long term thinking. Ask yourself what characteristics do you value? These are characteristics you want to instill in your children… If you have the end goal in mind you can instill these characteristics and independence in them. Work backwards. This is the secret to making wise day to day parenting decisions and the secret to having clarity through all the conflicting parenting advice around us. Clarity for when to serve and when not to serve our children, clarity should the teacher ask you to help your child with homework each night etc. What characteristics do you value in a spouse, in a friend, and in a boss? This will provide a good foundation for the “finish line picture” of the desired characteristics you want your children to employ as adults. Now, with this finish line picture in mind, choose the best option that moves your child toward this goal in every single parenting decision you make. That is how to be a wise parent.
“What part of the talk had the greatest impact on you?
“Leading our kids to our long term goal”
“Leadership speech – excited to make some tweaks to our parenting speech!”
“All of it! Love the long term goal vision”
“That it is ok to ‘Let it go’”
“Children can do 80% of household chores. Wow!”
Speaker: Steve Blakely, Parenting with Leadership
Steve is the first Certified John Rosemond Coach in Canada. As the founder of Parenting with Leadership, Steve’s vision is to see every parent in Canada implement John Rosemond’s Love and Leadership approach to parenting. Steve’s passion for healthy families was birthed when he experienced success in applying Love and Leadership parenting within his own family. He and his wife have a special needs son who has a rare syndrome accompanied with autistic behaviors, mobility issues and limited speech. Prior to implementing John Rosemond’s Love and Leadership approach their son was often defiant and strong-willed. He would lash out physically and throw tantrums. In spite of these challenges, Steve and his wife were able to experience a dramatic improvement in their son’s behavior using the Love and Leadership approach.